The art of being British

I came across this on Facebook a couple of weeks ago and it really made me chuckle, there are many things on list that are so true for me, especially number 17. This has happened to me on my route march home after work. It is absolutely necessary to keep up the pace after overtaking to avoid looking like a ninny as the person goes sailing past!

What it’s like to be British!!!

  1. Worrying you’ve accidentally packed 3 kilos of cocaine and a dead goat as you stroll through “Nothing to declare”
  2. Being unable to stand and leave without first saying “right”
  3. Not hearing someone for the third time, so just laughing and hoping for the best
  4. Saying “anywhere here’s fine” when the taxi’s directly outside your front door
  5. Being sure to start touching your bag 15 minutes before your station, so the person in the aisle seat is fully prepared for your exit
  6. Repeatedly pressing the door button on the train before it’s illuminated, to assure your fellow commuters you have the situation in hand
  7. Having someone sit next to you on the train, meaning you’ll have to eat your crisps at home
  8. The huge sense of relief after your perfectly valid train ticket is accepted by the inspector
  9. The horror of someone you only half know saying: “Oh I’m getting that train too”
  10. “Sorry, is anyone sitting here?” – Translation: Unless this is a person who looks remarkably like a bag, I suggest you move it
  11. Loudly tapping your fingers at the cashpoint, to assure the queue that you’ve asked for money and the wait is out of your hands
  12. Looking away so violently as someone nearby enters their PIN that you accidentally dislocate your neck
  13. Waiting for permission to leave after paying for something with the exact change
  14. Saying hello to a friend in the supermarket, then creeping around like a burglar to avoid seeing them again.
  15. Watching with quiet sorrow as you receive a different haircut to the one you requested
  16. Being unable to pay for something with the exact change without saying “I think that’s right”
  17. Overtaking someone on foot and having to keep up the uncomfortably fast pace until safely over the horizon
  18. Being unable to turn and walk in the opposite direction without first taking out your phone and frowning at it
  19. Deeming it necessary to do a little jog over zebra crossings, while throwing in an apologetic mini wave
  20. Punishing people who don’t say thank you by saying “you’re welcome” as quietly as possible
  21. The overwhelming sorrow of finding a cup of tea you forgot about
  22. Turning down a cup of tea for no reason and instantly knowing you’ve made a terrible, terrible mistake
  23. Suddenly remembering your tea and necking it like a massive, lukewarm shot
  24. Realising you’ve got about fifty grand’s worth of plastic bags under your kitchen sink
  25. “You’ll have to excuse the mess” – Translation: I’ve spent seven hours tidying in preparation for your visit
  26. Indicating that you want the last roast potato by trying to force everyone else to take it
  27. “I’m off to bed” – Translation: “I’m off to stare at my phone in another part of the house”
  28. Mishearing somebody’s name on the second time of asking, meaning you must now avoid them forever
  29. Leaving it too late to correct someone, meaning you must live with your new name forever

    31  .Running out of ways to say thanks when a succession of doors are held for you,  having already deployed ‘cheers’, ‘ta’ and ‘nice one’.

  1. Staring at your phone in silent horror until the unknown number stops ringing
  2. Hearing a recording of your own voice and deciding it’s perhaps best never to speak again
  3. The relief when someone doesn’t answer their phone within three rings and you can hang up
  4. Filming an entire fireworks display on your phone, knowing full well you’ll never, ever watch it again

 

But in my opinion the true test of British-ness is the humble and seemingly innocuous queue. It is a known fact that some Brits will join a queue even if they don’t know what the queue is for. But the queuing phenomenon is most evident at a bus stop. As I catch the bus to work due to lack of parking at the hospital, I believe I have become an expert observer of the bus queue.

I have discovered there are 2 types of bus queues; firstly there’s the stand one behind another type, where it is imperative to obey the rules of standing in line, to avoid the stares, the loud whispering and the wrath of your fellow passengers suspicious of your plans to jump the queue when the bus comes.

The second type can only be attempted with a group of people who catch the same bus, at the same time everyday, and have bonded over time by suffering from a crap bus service and phone apps that clearly lie when it says the bus is 5 minutes away. All the passengers have their designated place to stand and wait, (not in line). The only exception to this rule is during torrential rain and then everyone crams into the bus shelter. It doesn’t matter what time each person turns up, the group collectively know what order the passengers need to be in to advance and get on the bus.

In my bid to not become a creature of habit I don’t always catch the same bus, so I have 3 groups to negotiate in this way and luckily for me I have been accepted into each of them!

queue

 

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All dogs go to heaven

While relaxing with the Sunday paper I came across a lovely story about a local hero that I had to share.

Whizz

Whizz the Newfoundland has been posthumously awarded the PDSA Order of Merit, the animal equivalent of the OBE. This exceptional dog worked most of his short life as a rescue dog for the Royal Naval Rescue, Severn Area Rescue Association and the Marine Volunteer Service. His owner, David Pugh, started training Whizz at the age of one and during his career he saved over 9 people including a young lady who almost drowned while suffering from an asthma attack.

Not only did he work hard patrolling the Bristol Channel and the River Severn with his teenage handler Ellie Bedford, he also raised a huge amount of money for charity. They demonstrated their rescue skills at the annual Bristol Harbourside Festival and also other Newfoundland Water rescue days where sponsored volunteers would be rescued to raise funds. David set up Newfound Friends which since it’s beginning in 1990 has raised over £750,000, CLIC Sergeant and the Oncology Units at Bristol Children’s Hospital have benefited from this money.

whizz and boat

If all that wasn’t enough, Whizz also brought joy to countless children and adults living with cancer by visiting hospices and hospitals.

Sadly Whizz died earlier this month from cancer at the age of ten. His cousin, Tizz, and his handler Ellie accepted his award of his behalf.

tizz and ellie

In Whizz’s memory, Newfound Friends will be holding a sponsored rescue event at the Docklands Scout Project, on the Isle of Dogs, to raise money for the PDSA  on the 5th of September of this year. For more details follow this link Whizz/PDSA

Dance like no-one is watching

 

In my never ending quest to find interesting ways to keep fit and because I can’t play netball at the moment due to my wrist injury, I decided to sign up to an 8 week dancing course.

After seeing a post on Facebook I registered for a free “On Broadway” taster session with Fitness Fusion. Run by Katy Robinson, a professional dancer of many years. who has been teaching dance since the age of 16. Based in Sheffield Katy created “On Broadway” dance classes for women to gain confidence, get fit, have fun and release their inner show girl. On each course two dances from the Broadway shows are taught with a teaching style that breaks down complex routines. By expanding her team, Katy has branched out to Derbyshire, Richmond Upon Thames, Cheshire and Bristol.

The taster session was very busy, full of women not really knowing what the next hour was going to bring. Katy and her instructor Charlotte taught us most of the dance made famous by Catherine Zeta Jones and Renee Zellweger at the end of Chicago, called Hot Honey Rag. Due to the session only being an hour there wasn’t time to learn the whole routine.

I loved every minute of it and didn’t need to wait to hear Katy’s sales pitch about the course at half time, to know that I was ready to sign up to learn more dances. Although I spent most of my childhood in ballet school, I never had the opportunity to do these kinds of dances. It was so exciting to get the chance at last and I couldn’t wait to get started.

Thankfully I didn’t have to wait for long and before I knew it I was making my way to a little village hall to begin my dance adventure. At the time of writing we have just completed week 3 learning a routine from the musical Fame. Unfortunately we now have a 2 week break for Easter, so there’s a real danger of forgetting every step we’ve learnt up to now. We have one more week of Fame then it’s onto a Fred Astaire number from the musical Top Hat complete with props!

If this dance opportunity comes to your area don’t hesitate to sign up, you won’t regret it.

dance fusion

To find out more follow this link Dance like no-one is watching

Spring into 80’s action

A week ago my brother, my sister in law and I celebrated the decade that style forgot by going to a 1980’s disco in aid of a local children’s group. In our alter egos of Robocop, Adam Ant and fabulous disco chick we boogied our way to the fundraising event for Springboard Opportunity Group.

Based in North Somerset; Springboard provide support to children from birth to 5 years with addition needs. They run play sessions at Clevedon, Weston and South Weston where key people are assigned to the children , on a one to one basis, to develop a specialised play plan. They also support the children when they are ready to transition to school.

The support group Springboard 4 families offer mutual support, friendship, information sharing and advice about available benefits,  which is vital to prevent parents and families from feeling isolated.

In order to provide this essential service Springboard needs £1000 a day and they are totally reliant on charity and fundraising. Donations can be made via their website here, alternatively tickets can be bought for the Give and Win Voluntary Lottery.

When we first arrived at the disco was no one there except Mario and Luigi, we felt a bit self conscious in the main bar with the locals watching the rugby!  But very soon the place filled up with another 2 Adam Ants, a M C Hammer and lots of Wham followers in “Choose life” t shirts. Along with shoulder pads, leg warmers and garish colours we danced the night away to all the great 1980’s sounds.

More than £400 was raised by entry tickets and the raffle and we made it into the local paper.

There are more fundraising events planned; a barn dance, a fashion show and much more. If these are even half as good as the disco then a great time time will be had by all in aid of a very deserving cause.

Here are a few photos……

adam and roboadam antadam robo and chickadam roboglammc hammer